We've all seen He's Just Not That Into You and maybe some of us have read the actual book (I have). There's that scene where Gigi is in the bar with Alex and they start talking about a "spark" between two people.
Gigi: Maybe there's not. You need a spark.
Alex: No, the "spark" thing is shit.
Gigi: Really?
Alex: Bull shit.
Gigi: Enlighten me.
Alex: Guys invented the "spark" so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a "spark". And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: Oh really? So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or phone bill because secretly you kind of love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're going to make it?
Gigi: Maybe?
Alex: And let me guess. When you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling, constantly pacing back and forth and staring at your phone for days even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Ha. Okay, yeah?
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama! But you've got to be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her. Probably one with smaller pores and bigger implants.
It's a great scene. It makes me think about my own dating life and a "spark" with the guys I date. Do I really believe in it? Am I making up the lack of spark in my head? Maybe it doesn't happen straight from the get go. Maybe it's something that happens later on...
But then I think about guys I have had a "spark" with guys before, so I know it's possible! I've been on first dates where I think, wow this is fun! The conversation is great, the guy is great, he's totally into me and I'm diggin' him. So let's do this thing!
I think the "spark" is a combination of a few things that seem to be lacking in some people I've gone out with and I've narrowed it down.
Personality
Attraction (looks- I know, I might be shallow but you can't deny it either)
Things you have in common
Conversation
I know, it seems like a small list of things to "hit it off" with someone, but if you take out some of those factors it's probably someone you're just gonna friend zone after the date anyway. If you don't like their personality, you're probably going to butt heads at some point. If you're not attracted to the person... it's going to go nowhere. If you don't have anything in common, how are you ever going to agree on anything? I'm not saying that you have to have everything in common, because that would be boring. There has to be a little diversity and someone who can introduce you to new hobbies. But a common base helps. Lastly, if you can't talk to the person, you're definitely going to have problems... because lets get real, you won't be able to communicate.
So when I go on a date and feel just "meh" about it, I'm not going to thrive on the drama of him waiting to call me and ask me out. I should and will, take my own advice about the "spark" and put my best foot forward and get out there and go on some more awkward first dates until I find Mr. Awesomely Wonderful.
What do you all think? Is the spark a real thing?
