August 8, 2014

Crazy Cat Lady in the Making

In the fast paced world of the 21st century, online dating seems to be solution. People don't meet others the old school way. Girls don't lock eyes with a cute guy in class who then asks for your name. People don't meet at parties and laugh awkwardly around the punch bowl. Instead, everyone is glued to a phone, checking IG, updating Facebook status', or tweeting.  So how do people meet others today?  Online. But therein lies the problem.

Online seems to be the way to go. It's so simple to "meet" someone with the same likes and interests. All it takes is paying some money, answering a few simple questions,  and waiting for a result: meeting somebody. I am the first to admit it. I'm on a few of these sites myself.  As I am the last in my family to meet "the One". I'm the one standing alone in family pictures. I hear the clock ticking and the count down is on.

"Hi, I'm liz. I like working out and eating Mexican food."

Is that really all someone online needs to know about me? No. There is much more to me than liking Mexican food. Humans are much more complex than what they are online. We get to hide behind a facade, an ideal image of ourself that we like to project in the hope of reeling someone in.  If my time on dating websites has taught me anything, it has taught me that not everyone is who he appears to be online. 

I have come up with five non negotiables as a result of my experience with online dating. It makes weeding out the creepy scumbags easier and narrows the search to the real gems.  The reason for the five non negotiable is to make sure that I  stay true to myself and don't give away something of value for something that is convenient. 

My Five Non-Negotiables 

1. Respects me/his parents. In my own experience I've learned that how a man treats his family is probably how he is going to treat me. If he respects his parents, he will respect me. The relationship he has with his parents/family is an insight into how I can expect my relationship to be. I want to be in a loving, respectful relationship. It's a no brainer, right?

2. Spiritual, but not crazy (like someone who tells me he's received a revelation and we're going to Colorado City to start a new colony.)  The kind of spirituality I want is someone who shows that he is serious about his religion and his relationship with God.  I'm LDS, so I want someone who honors his priesthood and not just on Sundays. I  need someone who will be able to lead and be an example to our children. But it has to be balanced. Yes, he might be a worthy priesthood holder, but if he sits around all day and only read scriptures... well... we're gonna have a long talk. This leads me into my next non negotiable.
3. Hard working/ambitious. I need a man who will be able to provide for me and future family. I am totally for both of us working, but if I'm the only one working while my husband plays video games in the basement of his mom's house and can't hold down a job, we're going to have a problem. We live in a world where too many guys seem to be still in their teens. They don't have any ambition or focus. They have been coddled to the point where working a hard job is something they just don't do. My parents have taught me the importance of having a job. To pay bills. I don't need to marry a doctor or a lawyer. Status doesn't mean anything to me. What matters to me is having a job, getting up and going to work, and being committed to making it work. 
4. Honesty. Yeah, it seems simple. But if a guy is willing to tell a small lie, it's an indicator that he is  more likely to lie about something bigger. Honesty is sometimes hard to hear, but I'd much rather hear the truth than lied to. The truth always comes out in the end.
5. Sense of humor. I need someone who can laugh. Even during hard times. Life is not always roses and butterflies and it's nice to have someone to help see the light at the end of the tunnel when life gets rough. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to marry the class clown, but someone who can keep me laughing will have my heart. 

Online dating has proved to me the importance of friendship. Love can't be forced.  Love forms over time.  A few common interests won't make a marriage work.   What goes in is what goes out. What I want is to meet someone the old fashioned way. But until that happens, I'll keep keepin' on. Trying my luck on the inter web but never giving up on my non-negotiables. If I can't have all of those, then one day I'll have a nice house and a few cats. 

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