Love Me Tinder

Love me tender, 

Love me true, 

Tell me that you're mine. 

I'll be yours through all the years,

Till the end of time.

Oh, Elvis. You make my heart skip a beat. You have such a way with words. You make me feel so good. And tinder, you do the same thing. What am I thinking? 

Tinder, another way to meet someone. It's pretty simple really; swipe left if you don't think they're attractive and right if you think they're so good looking that you'd want to populate the earth with them. Did I take that too far? Maybe. But you get the point. It's a little superficial but I'm addicted. I can't stop myself from logging in every hour to check my "matches" or conversations. 

The first time you match with someone, what happens next is always a little exciting. The guy you thought was so cute has made contact. He says something funny or witty, or tells you your dimples melt his heart. Of course, with a compliment like that I'm totally sold. I try to charm them by being my funny self (and with my dimples obviously) and next thing I know I'm messaging my phone number to basically a stranger, to see if this is going to go anywhere. What am I thinking? 

The conversation now switches from in app messaging to texting and I'm thinking, man this guy is cute, funny and he's interested. The whole time I'm hoping this text fest ends up in him asking me out instead of becoming his texting buddy. He asks me if I have plans for the weekend. I do. But, he asks me to ditch them so I can do something with him. I think he's just asked me out on a date. Here's the catch: there is no plan -- no time, no place, no nothing.  Somehow those details got lost. He hasn't actually committed to doing anything. But somehow I've agreed to block out my afternoon for some guy that I don't really know. Meanwhile I don't hear back from him and I don't know what's going on.  But thank you Tinder Gods, I think I have three dates set up.

Tinder makes dating sound so easy. But the follow through with some of these guys is puzzling. How can you make plans with someone and then never contact them? Oh, we set a date up  and you went fishing instead and came back and texted me for a raincheck? Yeah, sure. Let me get out my receipt book with your letterhead. I had one guy text me a few days after a planned date asking me why we didn't go out. I said well... you never called me. I just think, duh! Come on! Or the guy that asks me rearrange my schedule so he can take me out, and then waits all day the day of the date to let me know what the plans are. Or the guy that cancels because he's going out of town, but doesn't make plans for another date. And when I actually have gone out with someone on a good date, I send him a PDT (post date text). It's my way of letting that person know that I had a good time and it's okay to ask me out again... but he never responds. 

I mean, I get it. I'm not everyones cup of tea and everyone isn't going to be my cup of tea. I also get that while you're telling me all these sweet nothings, emphasis on nothings, you're probably telling 20 other girls the same thing. It's also probably why you couldn't text me back to let me know what the plans were.  But where do these guys come from? Oh, I know. Tinder. Why am I expecting anything more out of these guys when I'm on a dating app that is solely based off physical attraction and the superficial. We all try to put the best image of ourself out there. But there's a difference between doing that and being fake. When these guys pretend to be someone other than who they are, it isn't long before his real self turns up. It gives me whiplash and now I need to be in a neck collar after going on one of those dates.

I feel like I'm living my own personal Groundhog Day, but not the funny Bill Murray type. Haven't I gone through this before? Haven't I gone on this date 50 million times? Why do I keep going on them? Why do I keep going on the same dates with the same type of guys? How do I stop the cycle?  I think it's the deceiving I like to hike pictures, or the fishing pictures, I like football, here I am studying at school. It all looks so cool but looks can be deceiving.  

This year I want to find someone who is going to love me tender, never let me go. The kind of stuff that Elvis sang about. But hold on, Shania Twain said it better yet,  "so what do you think you're Elvis or something... that don't impress me much." Same thing- Tarzan, Captain Kirk, John Wayne, Brad Pitt, that don't impress me much. What does impress me is kindness. Not sarcastic. Not narcissistic. Not a know it all. Just kind. Yeah, kind would impress me so much more than all that extra hold gel in your hair. 

Crazy Cat Lady in the Making

In the fast paced world of the 21st century, online dating seems to be solution. People don't meet others the old school way. Girls don't lock eyes with a cute guy in class who then asks for your name. People don't meet at parties and laugh awkwardly around the punch bowl. Instead, everyone is glued to a phone, checking IG, updating Facebook status', or tweeting.  So how do people meet others today?  Online. But therein lies the problem.

Online seems to be the way to go. It's so simple to "meet" someone with the same likes and interests. All it takes is paying some money, answering a few simple questions,  and waiting for a result: meeting somebody. I am the first to admit it. I'm on a few of these sites myself.  As I am the last in my family to meet "the One". I'm the one standing alone in family pictures. I hear the clock ticking and the count down is on.

"Hi, I'm liz. I like working out and eating Mexican food."

Is that really all someone online needs to know about me? No. There is much more to me than liking Mexican food. Humans are much more complex than what they are online. We get to hide behind a facade, an ideal image of ourself that we like to project in the hope of reeling someone in.  If my time on dating websites has taught me anything, it has taught me that not everyone is who he appears to be online. 

I have come up with five non negotiables as a result of my experience with online dating. It makes weeding out the creepy scumbags easier and narrows the search to the real gems.  The reason for the five non negotiable is to make sure that I  stay true to myself and don't give away something of value for something that is convenient. 

My Five Non-Negotiables 

1. Respects me/his parents. In my own experience I've learned that how a man treats his family is probably how he is going to treat me. If he respects his parents, he will respect me. The relationship he has with his parents/family is an insight into how I can expect my relationship to be. I want to be in a loving, respectful relationship. It's a no brainer, right?

2. Spiritual, but not crazy (like someone who tells me he's received a revelation and we're going to Colorado City to start a new colony.)  The kind of spirituality I want is someone who shows that he is serious about his religion and his relationship with God.  I'm LDS, so I want someone who honors his priesthood and not just on Sundays. I  need someone who will be able to lead and be an example to our children. But it has to be balanced. Yes, he might be a worthy priesthood holder, but if he sits around all day and only read scriptures... well... we're gonna have a long talk. This leads me into my next non negotiable.

3. Hard working/ambitious. I need a man who will be able to provide for me and future family. I am totally for both of us working, but if I'm the only one working while my husband plays video games in the basement of his mom's house and can't hold down a job, we're going to have a problem. We live in a world where too many guys seem to be still in their teens. They don't have any ambition or focus. They have been coddled to the point where working a hard job is something they just don't do. My parents have taught me the importance of having a job. To pay bills. I don't need to marry a doctor or a lawyer. Status doesn't mean anything to me. What matters to me is having a job, getting up and going to work, and being committed to making it work. 

4. Honesty. Yeah, it seems simple. But if a guy is willing to tell a small lie, it's an indicator that he is  more likely to lie about something bigger. Honesty is sometimes hard to hear, but I'd much rather hear the truth than lied to. The truth always comes out in the end.

5. Sense of humor. I need someone who can laugh. Even during hard times. Life is not always roses and butterflies and it's nice to have someone to help see the light at the end of the tunnel when life gets rough. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to marry the class clown, but someone who can keep me laughing will have my heart. 

Online dating has proved to me the importance of friendship. Love can't be forced.  Love forms over time.  A few common interests won't make a marriage work.   What goes in is what goes out. What I want is to meet someone the old fashioned way. But until that happens, I'll keep keepin' on. Trying my luck on the inter web but never giving up on my non-negotiables. If I can't have all of those, then one day I'll have a nice house and a few cats. 

// Plot Twist //

Want to know the easiest way to make a 25 year old woman cry? Ask her on a date and then stand her up. Or maybe that's just the easiest way to make me cry. 

I haven't been on a date since January. I blamed it on my lack of time due to school and work. But who am I kidding? I secretly hope and pray that Mr. Wonderful walks in to my life and carries me off into the sunset and we live happily ever after. 

Instead, I'm 25 and still living at home with my parents. Not that my parents are bad roommates. In fact, they're perfect roommates! They buy all the food, fill my car up with gas, let me live there rent free. My life is pretty cushy and I totally get that. But I know there has got to be something more to life than living in the basement. (Please tell me I'm right.)

So when my younger sister started dating again after a recent-ish breakup, I decided I should take the plunge into the online dating world. The whole "Hi, my name is Liz. The six things I couldn't live without are my phone, books, a toothbrush... As I can't think of anymore," thing sure gets old. What gets even more annoying are the influx of messages saying "you're a babe. How do you feel about a casual hookup?" How about I just delete you. So I suffer through mostly losers and when I finally find someone who can hold an intelligent conversation, I can't help but think that this might actually workout! A guy who can woo me with words, oh be still my heart. Okay, you actually will have to do more than that but I definitely love playful verbal banter. 

I am very selective when talking to people on the internet. I mean. It's the freakin' internet for heavens sake. So I started messaging a few guys and the conversations were great. The only bad thing is, I was about to leave for Italy in a few days and was working basically everyday until I left. But I did have the night before my flight left free and thought, why the heck not? So I told one guy that we could go out Tuesday night. He agreed. I messaged him Tuesday morning because he still hadn't contacted me since setting up our date. I asked him what the plan was. He told me he'd pick me up at 8pm and that we'd get cafe rio. (Mexican food is another key to my heart.) 

So I packed my clothes for my trip, ran errands and got ready for my date. And not to toot my own horn, but toot toot. I looked cute! I sat in my living room for an hour. Waiting. A message to say hey, I'm running late. Anything. Instead I got radio silence. I called my brother and sister in law for advice. Because what else are brothers for? Basically they confirmed my suspicions that I was being stood up. 

I went to my room and changed into my jammies. And started to cry. The thing is, it wasn't really about him. It was about dating in general. I have the worst luck with guys. My brother texted me and said men are dogs (parks and rec reference). He tried to cheer me up with pictures of my nephew. He told me, this guy wasn't worth crying over. My mom came into my room to console me. Yeah, I might have been over reacting but when your dating life is the constant part of a movie about the bad dates someone goes on before they meet Prince Charming, you'd cry too. 

My friends tell me that it'll happen when I least expect it. I'm calling BS. Finding someone happens to the people who are proactive about it. So, that's what I'm doing. Or trying to do. I want "it" to happen to me. I want to find someone I love and to spend my Saturday nights with. I want to go on double dates with my friends and not be the third wheel. 

So yeah, being stood up totally sucks. And I know one day I'll be able to laugh about all these crazy experiences. I know Mr. Wonderful will get here eventually and that he's takin' his sweet time. But more importantly, I know I'm not going to give up on this dating business. The plot twist in my life one day will be Liz finally gets the guy!